[LOG.ENTRY//JAN-2026]

Tell me what's on your mind 'cause I don't know, I've been trying

a lot, and I mean A LOT has happened this month but at it's core this month has been about one thing: transparency

for me this month was A LOT AND I MEAN A LOT of reflecting and then learning to love this new version of myself

I hope you have some time because I have quite a few topics to go over- dont worry! I'll guide you around

friendship is magic the title is a mlp reference, I hope you got it

lets start off with the reason why we are even here

when I was writing snippets in the beginning of the month I wasnt expecting ALL of this to happen,,, this chapter was something I wrote a bit after new years, in the meantime A LOT has changed
normally this was its own post BUT I chickened out from posting it last minute,,, enjoy this little snapshot:

31/12/2025
last night was so much fun! I can keep rehashing how much fun I'm having with this friendship that I genuinely care about but idc I'm never going to get tired of it!

I like how we can start talking about random stuff and then the ball starts rolling,,, there's space for silliness but also space for the genuine stuff and not just the surface level stuff but the more deeper stuff that ultimately defines you as a human (I hate to use that word but oh well),,,

the night progressed from talking about identity stuff (I guess?) to playing TF2 to hanging out in the group chat talking about the weird lucky chance we had with each other to then making quirky jokes with the whole group,,, the group where I can say that I feel at fucking home

what's the value of a face? sub title: subtitle "pfps and our little brief accident"

to then matching PFPs, hello?!! this is too much fun! yeah blah blah, matching PFPs whatever BUT to me it means so much because it's something I don't get to do often! I really wanted to do this with her but I was scared that this was maybe pushing stuff idfk, ask my overthinking head not me, but she just rolled into it (with at first thinking it was bait??), it's fucking stupid but I'm having fun

the reason why I thought this was going to push her is because I thought matching was a thing that people in a relationship do,,, but she experienced this differently, she said that she has done it a lot with friends

matching PFPs is something so simple but stupidly fun! idk it's fun having this connection like this, definitely now with aria and wolf, it feels kinda meta and I love it! and then we made our discord bots match too!

in a way this match symbolizes our reconnection and at the same time the bond we have with monarch and that's why I love this match so much,,, it's stupid what little pictures do to the brain but idc, it's giving me happy signals so I'm all for it

matching with someone feels like having that person along for the ride and also in a way having that person next to your digital selves,,, does that make sense? like even when you aren't talking to that person, there's still a reminder of them in your PFP

(also hi you reading this!! please don't be ever scare to change your PFP! if you don't want to match anymore thats okay!! just because I'm having fun doesn't mean you can't do your thing, I know how the flip side is!)

PFPs mean so much to me, it's one of you essential parts of your online identity and for me my online identity is my ideal self so it's no wonder I get attached to an image In that way!

I used to believe that I change PFPs to distances myself from eras of myself but now that I've done some reflecting, I don't really believe that anymore, or at least not fully,,, yes there are times where I have distanced myself from a PFP because I see myself it in and in turn a evil version of me I hate but on the flip side, I just do it when I feels right!

"have this weird thing that I start hating my pfp and start cringing about it after a while [ ... ] 

sometimes after a while I start seeing something that doesn't represent me in it"

^ this was the old me, I sometimes still cringe at the thought of this post because it caused a domino effect that I wasn't expecting,,,

I posted this without any thought, it was just a reflection, nothing more,,,
at the time I was using a pfp my friend made for me but a couple of weeks later we 'broke up'

the last message that I ever received from them during this period was
"don't come back btw",,, so I interpreted this as a clear boundary,,, I wanted to play on safe and remove the pfp,,, the situation in general was just causing me a lot of stress so this was me trying to distance myself from it

but this friend didnt know the full context, so it was interpreted as an attack,,, this made the situation worse which I was unaware of at the time
(for a bit more context you can go read the previous log)

its hard to stomach this but I have to accept that hiding from my past doesn't fix anything,, the feeling of sweeping everything under the rug feels right in the moment but at the same time it feels kinda wrong afterwards

I was experimenting with the whole pony thing and changed my PFP and holy shit I'm feeling euphoric about it! its not because I wanted to distance myself from my previous PFP but just because it felt right to experiment,,, sometimes you have to change your pfp for the fun

so I hope you understand it now why I care so much about PFPs, even if you only understand a tiny bit

anyway back to the topic at hand-

time is our loving currency

time is money they say,,, well I may not be rich but I do know how to spend my time!

we are quite similar but at the same we both have quirks that set us apart BUT this is what you want from a friend: not a carbon copy but also not someone you can't share stuff with because you don't care,,, and I think we are a good balance together! (heck, I still get surprised that we are so similar)

there aren't really any dependencies with this connection,,, I had friends where there were certain games that literally kept the friendship together,,, nothing wrong with that ofc! not everyone has to be swiss knife,,, but then again finding a person where you can have days where you play a game or just chat about stuff or just straight up cry together is something so nice

heck even like figuring this 'cringe' stuff out together,,, like you pushed me first but now we are leading each other through this maze and I love seeing how this evolves,,, it's sounds so stupid but if you think that then fuck you,,, I'm along for the journey, whatever comes out of this doesn't really matter, I'm just happy that I can share this with someone I care about

spending time with you is like getting 50 dopamine shots at the same time, it's such a weird feeling
it's been a long time since I just stayed up this long without feeling guilty but fuck it, I had fun,,, im having that childlike fun again!

taking the lead

wow, and here I am sitting at 2 am writing out a concept for a character for a rp,,, getting rolled into soooo many different things with you is so much fun!

now you pushed me into RPing which I kinda forgot I liked but I was here writing lore at 2 am and having so much fun with

one thing that I wish I did more was take initiative but I think we both struggle with that (or maybe I'm projecting)
y'know, being a walking bottle of anxiety doesn't help,,, I just hope that you realize that even though I don't take initiative that much I do enjoy every second I get to spend with you!

taking initiative is something that I have to work on this year but I dont really know where to begin with that

maybe part of me is still testing the water after our break but then at other times you are soo unashamed to do/say stuff and that inspires me
maybe I'm making it weird by filter myself sometimes
maybe it's not you that I'm trying to figure out, it's me that I'm trying to figure out

defying conformity, together

so what you just read was a snippet I wrote at the beginning of the month,,, A LOT has changed in the meantime! so I'll try to show you the progression as best as I can,,, its super hard to convey the grandness of everything

okay,,, where do I begin? where did it begin? well- its complicated!

okay I want to make something clear: we both are still figuring this all out, some things already feel quite clear but then other parts are still less clear
with every day that passes I understand this beautiful thing more and more,,, so treat this as a snapshot because I cant do this whole thing justice in just one post

to start off, there is no denying that there is a certain dynamic between us- one with quite the uhh,,, silly energy
so it quickly became a inside joke that we have a relationship/that we are each others wife

it's really hard to explain how it started but I think this quote sums it up:

"not talking for so long and finally reconnecting and making an album symbolically important for both to the point of using matching pfps sounds like the most yuri coded shit ever"

I didn't say anything at the time,,, but I fully agree, it's kinda funny,,, this was something so special to hear
in a way I of course I knew it was jokes and games but at the same time I was feeling things I didnt have words for

anyway, to quickly introduce everyone:
yuri - my "wife" and the person I reconnected with in December,,, see the dec log for more context (note: when I use 'you' is most likely referring to yuri)
maci - our "shipper",,, maci ships us- it's a joke we are all okay with so no negative feelings <3

after these jokes happened I wanted to hear what yuri thought because
a) I was getting scared of making her uncomfortable, and in turn losing a genuine friendship
b) I was getting confused at where this was going and I wanted to hear what she thought of it

"everybody's making shipping jokes out of me and my friend for some reason,,, kinda unsure if I'm uncomfortable with it but it is kinda funny"

and seeing this imood update didnt fix my fears, I didn't want to lose her like I did before,,, and definitely not over some stupid jokes,,, at this point I thought I was close to her boundaries and I thought the next step was scaring her away

I was so so scared to talk about it because what if we were on different pages? I started overthinking, and instead of talking about it I bottled it up,,,

"I think we need couples therapy but like for friends (does that even exist?)"

anyway this night ended with this stupid joke by me that ended up having a small domino effect,,, this was meant as a joke BUT maci jumped on it and volunteered to be the therapist,,, so it was settled, we would have couples therapy next night!

this was meant as a jokey event,,, oh wait a minute, I got a dm from my wife in the meantime-

lets sit at the glass table, together

ahhh 7th of january- what a morning to wake up on! I started the day by literally crying myself out of bed- I mean, I didn't make myself cry,,, yuri did, this beautiful person did! wait- okay, so what happened?

last night ended with this message:

"im confused, what the fuck are we atp, friends larping as a couple or some stupid shit"

this message didn't really trigger my brain- until that I saw this message that instantly got deleted:

"don't ask me out btw"

and that- that finally pushed me to ask about her thoughts,,, I'm going to spare you the details because these are a couple of very long messages but in short it was kinda a status update to see where we see this connection,,, and I think we were basically on the same wavelength

I was shaking and then started crying during all of this, I had no real reason to cry but I guess my mind was doing 2 things at the same time

1) I was scared of putting so much pressure on you that I felt I was going to mess something up,,, so my mind was expecting some kind of negative answer, or heck even worse: a scarred friendship
2) I was at the same time also processing what it meant to have a connection like this again,,, it's been a while since I had someone (and now by extension this group) like this, someone that motivates me, helps me, shares time with me, that can (hopefully) count on me, that I can show love for

"I'm not crying because I'm sad but more so because I was scared I was screwing stuff up,,, so hearing this, that we are on the same wavelength is uplifting to hear"

I've learnt a lot about you- and thanks to that I also learnt a lot about me,,,

at one point maci messaged me to make sure I was okay, that was so sweet! even though he couldn't do anything, just the thought of him caring about me like that was so sweet,,, if only he knew what was happening!

this shipping thing has been partly a joke but also kinda a statement,,, the traditional idea of a relationship is messed up,,, at the same time its a reminder that you can just show love for the people you care about! no one is stopping you from appreciating each other
the only thing that is stopping you is this tradition that everyone has grown used to,,, you just need an amazing person to show you that

I guess this is a part of me that I just recently discovered but it feels great just showing love to the people I care about without the pressure of expectations

and in some fucked up way my brain still thinks of yuri as someone special but without the label of a relationship- I simply dont have this much love for other people in my life rn- I'm sorry

at the same time I'm slowly changing my train of thought from "oh god I'm clingy" to "hey I love spending time with you and that's okay"

I was scared I was clingy but it was more my brain giving me a dopamine shot every time I get a message from you,,, which kinda makes sense to think then why I thought I was clingy BUT the most important difference is that I'm not reliant on you, I don't need that, I enjoy time spent on other things
this doesn't mean I don't care, far from it, just look at the way I act when I'm with you :babey:
I'm very much addicted to you- but for me this is the difference between what this is vs my biggest fear

funny how as a kid you are less worried about this type of stuff, you can be a goofball without being scared of pushing stuff BUT on the other hand I wouldnt want it in any different way,,, figuring this all out is a part of the fun I get to share with these people!

wait- wait- we didn't even have that therapy session yet!

"ooooh you and peach are married happily together ooooooh"

in a way maci joking about stuff caused this to indirectly happened and I love it!
the therapy event did have a lot of good advice! I personally took this therapy event as a way to joke around but maci did such a good job!

I love how I'm wayyy less scared of bring stuff up because sometimes if I was scared to bring stuff up I would indirectly bring it up, with statues, bios, etc BUT tbh that was iffy because it wasnt the best way to communicate
I learnt that I actually get a lot of enjoyment out of just talking about stuff instead of avoiding it

Ive been learning to actually talk about stuff for the first time in my life, normally I would bottle up what I'm feeling/thinking and that does a lot of damage so to finally feel comfortable to genuinely talk about stuff feels amazing
I'm slowly becoming a better version of myself

I'm not going to pretend that I'm some kind of angel, I'm not, no one is, but accepting this is a very important part! the only way to learn is to make mistakes, you aren't the sum of your mistakes,,, even if the mistakes I do make, make me want to hide, I ultimately know that I'm in a space where people understand me

"all i wanted from you so far is transparent communication. you didn't give me transparent communication. you put a fucking glass table in front of me and brought all the documents

p.s: if you have the balls, put a quote of this in your next post like last time"

you dressed this version of me subtitle: cancel cancel cringe culture / growing a tail

"I am still in shock how far in, like, just about a month, that things have really just progressed. It took a whole month to go from the most sloppiest, ugliest possible situation that either of us could have predicted, right to here, the most absurd, beautiful thing to ever come out of this entire fuck up"

I hate love the new kanye me- okay sorry, that joke worked better in my head,,,

embracing this cringe part of me this month has been a VERY important part of this new era of me, I'm not here to defend my feelings but just here to make you think

why do things even get labelled as 'cringe' in the first place? just think about any emoticons like UwU, OwO, >w<, x3, etc

I love that you can be so expressive through text, it's already harder to communicate over text because you don't have visual cues and it can be fast paced at times,,, so why label something that is useful AND cute as 'cringe'

I mean just look at tone tags,,, they are beneficial for everyone! so why look down on something as simple as cutesy emoticons?

I wont lie, we are all a bit hard coded to be 'normal',,, I think the people who aren't hard coded are the rare few (and I envy those people!) but it helps to be reminded that being weird is fine! heck, I love being fluffy cute!

why why am I spewing out this bullshit? because the old peachleaf felt forced to conform to the idea of being 'normal' which then means that she tended to hold herself back, I think more people will enjoy it if they didn't make a fuss about it

so for me these past couple of weeks has been a discovery journey into the real me,,, and that real me happens to like stuff that goes beyond this post >w<
(hi yuri, you know what I mean aahhh)

in a way I wish internet (sub) cultures were more mainstream but at the same time I think the reason why I feel such a euphoric connection to these groups is because it's niche and I feel seen when I connect over something like this

I'm quickly going to invent my own scale here because I want to make a point:
on one side you have "cishet conformity" and on the other side you have (sorry for the lack of better words) "furry queer autistic trans (girl)"

I'm probably missing a lot adjectives but what I'm trying to say is:
on one end you have the boring average Joe and on the other you have the super online trans person with a million quirks
and I always wanted to be more like the latter- but I always felt like a imposter

anyway, remember when I was scared of bringing up the status of our thing? well look at that now, the opposite just happened! she was the scared one this time! that just shows how much we both care about this

"idk, i wanted to clarify my position for a while but i was scared the same feelings wouldn't be returned,,, i.e you'd rather tone it down or keep it how it is" 
- yuri

"you know how weird it is we are similar about stuff like this, like y'know, the keeping things in just to try and protect the current thing" 
- me

"we just care so much about the comfort of each other that we've just kept our experimenting at an arms length here" 
- yuri

like you said it's not easy to just do this shit with anyone, so I'm so soooo happy to be who I am with you, we basically follow each others lead and I love it <3

I think monarch of monsters was the foundation that made it easier to open up and discover these parts of each other

I was really surprised to see this part of you,,, but I'm all for it! it lowers the pressure so much to see we have so much in common

this month I took a sylveon plush to work with me,,, and pretended that it was yuri,,, sounds so fucking stupid but I had so much fun with it, and it was the comfort I needed at times
we literally gave each other matching dutch nicknames,,, I don't know if you can embrace this cringy side even more

the list goes on and on- but I'm trying to say: please just have fun, even if it's "cringe", life's too short to live with regrets!

to hark back and to just put this into perspective: we went from talking through github commits / indirectly talking via other means
to this limbo where we would delete messages as a defense mechanism, or we would joke about stuff to test the water
to now, where we literally send each other letters filled with stuff we want to talk about- wait did I say letters? what-

send me a letter and I'll send you the world back

"Sorry to say it was seen near instantly. Oh to hell with it, life is full of surprises, and you forget a thousand things every day. Don't make this one of them!"

this month we (accidently) made a new tradition between us! okay, so,,, what is this new tradition and where did it start?
one night I wanted to do something to wind down and suddenly a lightbulb exploded in my head!
what if I send this pluizebol (dutch for fluffball) a random message via RYM?!

it was nothing to write home about (do you get the pun?? coughs, okay nvm),,, it was meant as a silly in between, It was clearly written at 3 am, but the response I got back is the one that started rolling the ball

okay but why RYM? well two reasons that I can imagine what I was thinking:
1) RYM messages have that classical old internet message feel,,, I formatted my message as a letter because it was kinda fitting with the format
2) the idea was that she doesnt check RYM often, so it was meant as a surprise that she could discover in a couple of days,,, but I forgot that we are both music nerds

and there you go! the message/letter named '[SPAM] DO NOT READ ME! UNLESS I've been gone for a while and you miss me' was sent!

after this I went to bed because it was nearly 4 am,,, I woke up to see that she already replied,,, 1 hour after I originally sent my message

i didn't expect a reply within an hour! heck I wasn't expecting THIS,, it wasn't a small one!!!

'RE: Sorry, I like breaking rules!' - totalling around 2.2k words,,, ahh what it felt like to wake up with this! such a nice gift to wake up to
this letter changed the course of this tradition, my original plan was just to send something silly but in the back of mind I would've loved to do something like this,,, and I got what I wanted!

I've always been obsessed with snail mail so this is the next best thing,,, to show love for each other in this way feels very meaningful!
personally when I write this stuff I do A LOT of reflecting and thinking,,, sometimes I get ideas and then note them down to write them in a letter later

to put the cherry on top of this sweet thing, I sent a letter before I had a work trip,,, and as a gift back, I got a voice message back, that was the most sweetest thing someone did for me,,, I always keep that close to my heart

the music recommendations has also been a important part of this! she showed me 'monarch of monsters' and 'we had good times together don’t forget that' (more on this album in a bit!)

I sent SMILE! :D by porter robinson to her,,, I know it it isnt really her genre but this album reminds me of her in a weird way

I'm fully aware that this album is about parasocial relationships and what it means to be a popular artist, and the general struggles of our modern time but I think everyone can at least relate a little bit to it

I love the album because its so meta, he sings about a lot of stuff that most artist would never say out loud- but the reason why this album reminds me of yuri is just the soft sound, it feels fluffy and cutesy (I know the album itself is dark), the lyrics has so many cliches BUT there's a reason why cliches work,,, we are all humans after all
there are just so many lines in this album that make me think about her

I'm scared to admit this but uh same with cutiemarks by vylet pony,,, the cringeness of it makes it so cute to quote stuff from

back to the letters: these aren't just things I write on a whim, most letters take me at least 5 hours of writing and reflecting- but I don't care because it just shows how much I care,,, so to have someone who shares the same passion about this, is wild!

if this thing ever ends between us then I hope it will end with a big long letter <3
I mean it will never end,,, I just wanted to sound cute

"I got it pulled up right here on my laptop, but, oh, it's so adorable how much you wrote. It's like... I'm finding out shit here I haven't found out till now"

more family than friends

when your cat/lamb hybrid furry girlfriend randomly rolls over on the carpet then you know you have something special!

its kinda funny how this friend group turned into a sort of weird family but I love how everyone is involved! I always try my best to involve people so its fun seeing people having fun!

in a friend group everyone is of equal value, at least to me,,, so I love how we can feed from each others energy, its funny!

this is the first time I've been so active in a group chat before, I've (mostly) let go of this over filtered version of myself, like the one that is anxious of even saying anything wrong and that feels great!

we have inside jokes, lore (yes imgainge like a mincraft smp but uhh without the smp), events (like the therapy night or jackbox thing we did for the bday of the group),,,
yes, I'm describing what a friend group is,,, special things like these remind me that I really missed being in a group

I like a small circle, and this group is the perfect balance for me!

"ngl the difference between how everyone was at yappers' start and now is insane" - maci, 30/01/2026

giving back to them too

one of the opportunities I had this month to say thank you to the group that feels like my home is to lend some of my time and resources to run a RSS feed for the discord server and to start hosting the Minecraft server

I spent so much time on it but it felt 100% worth it, it's fun giving back in this type of way, who knows if I'll contribute to another project like this again soon

I guess I used to give back and show my apricate by making creative projects like videos featuring the funny moments I have had with those friends and now fast forward to today I'm still giving back to the people I care for the most (albeit a bit less creative,, I might have to make something creative soon)

hopefully this post is also a gift, or at least partially! this group had a BIG impact on me and on us, theres no denying that

we had good times sub title: "trying a deep album, just for you"

decemeber was the month to let monarch of monsters by vylet pony have a impact on me,,, well this month it was We Had Good Times Together, Don't Forget That by Sewerslvt that left an impact on me

here is the original message I sent in the group on the night itself,,, its a bit messy but I think this just shows what I was feeling at the time:

"this is a album I'll probably not return to often because it gives me such a heavy feeling, as if someone is sitting on my chest- but at the same time it feels like there is nothing inside my chest so why even sit on my chest,,, I have nothing to offer
its a album to listen on a dark rainy night (like today), this album made me feel things that I would rather not feel when alone

and actually now that I think about it this album encapsulates what I feel when I'm alone at night or when I isolate myself,,, this heavy feeling is like as if my world is collapsing, as if everything I did up to this point was worthless and feeling that there is no way to change that but at the same time feeling numb about everything as if there is no reason to do or change anything
I'm happy to say those nights are more rare now (THANK YOU ALL <3) but this album took me right back to those feelings

I guess I kinda experienced it in a different way because I'm lucky that I haven't lost someone that was really that close to me, █ ████ ██ █████ ██████ ███████ ██ █████ ██████ ██ ██ ████ ██ ███████ ████ ██ ████ █ ███ ███ ██ ███ ████ ████ ██ ████ ████ █ █████ ████ ██████ ██ █ ███ ███ █████ ███ █████ ████ ███████ ███ ██████ ███ ███████ ██ ████ █ ███ ███ █████ ██ █████ █████ ████ ███ █████ █████ ██ ████ ██ █████ ██ ███ ███ ███ ████ ████ ██ ████ █ ███████ ██ ██████ ████ █ █████ ████ ███ ██████

█ █████ █ ██████ ████ ████ █████ ████ ███ ███████ █ ███ ███ █████ ██ █████ ██████████ ██ ████ ██ ███████ ███ █████ ███ █████████ ████ ███ ████ ██ ███ ███████ █████ ██████ ████ █████ ██████ █████ ████████ ██████ ████ ██ ████ ██████ ANYWAY BESIDES THE POINT,,, okay I guess this did kinda affect me,,,

BACK TO THE ALBUM: what a experience! kinda feels wrong giving it a 3.5, so I just bumped it up to a 4 even if the songs weren't fully my thing because the feelings it gave me AND because experiencing it with you all together was so much fun, I dont think I want to experience this again alone or without you guys
I love how you both took the time to make it a event of sorts, it did feel special,,, I'm happy that I experienced it even if it fucked with my head 🩷"

"I really loved the fact that even if it isn't your music taste you offered yourself to listen, like really, it does mean a lot"

dress-up and playing a role sub title: "cats, wolves and masks"

ahh this is one of those happy little accidents that my stupid ass got us into but I love it!

so at the start of the month the topic of RPing came up in the group,,, for context we both used to RP but for me its been like 5 years ago vs for her it was a couple of months ago (?) and she writes A LOT of lore, like jesus fucking chirst, its like reading a book somtimes, I love it! anyway

I asked the most basic question 'are you ever planning on rping again or is it a thing in the past?' - on the night itself it kinda got brushed off, I mean I was just curious and not prying or hinting at anything,,, I fell asleep and didnt really think about it,,
until next day that she hits me with this:
'why did you ask btw, i call emergency meeting, you are asking suspicious questions'

and after a bit of chatting, I'm suddenly in a discord server for the rp! woah, this was genuinely an accident BUT I'm so so happy that this happened
I wonder if she knew that I wasnt even prying or that she just pushed me to see where it would go?
(hi! I'm genuinely curious now,,, same with the pfp thing, did you really think it was bait or were you just pushing and testing the water?)

once we got started it was a lot to get used to, I mean it was the first time RPing over discord for me, last RP I did was roughly like 5 years ago, and im naturally not the most confident person

it was a slow start but we got used to it,,, at first I was scared to bring the news "I'm not enjoying this as much as you"

I have a very fragile personality so playing a character doesn't really help, I get really conscious about what I do and say but with a character theres another layer I have to think about

but then suddenly i spent 4 hours straight RPing and making a character
I felt like a wolf in cat's fur- but I realised that that cat fur wasnt a good starting point while this wolf on the other hand is wayyy easier to play

(for context: my first character was a isolated neko and this second character is a wolf that grew up in a traditional environment,,, yay character building!)

even thought it felt kinda awkward at first I cant lie that it isn't fun, I'm getting the hang of it!! cant wait to see what the future of our RPs will look like!!!

I think we both learnt to love RPing again <3

who needs the world when I have you? sub title: the future is here sooner than we expected

"I'm just still trying to process all this good that's been happening over the, uh, past couple of days, 'cause I don't know, past month of just beautiful stuff, and I don't know. It makes me feel bad that I kinda threw what we had before away, but the communication made it so much better. Just so happy to just have something again. This has left so much of an impact, you have no idea, and I wish I could have told you how much it left an impact on me."

the speed of everything has been so wild- yet I don't feel overwhelmed!
this post is a nice way to put it down in words just what has happened in such a short time,,, I think its easy to forget that sometimes

in a month and a half we went from rebuilding what we had to now, where we can experiment with stuff together that goes past what we have done in the past,,, finally playing games together, hanging out on bongo cat together (it sounds so stupid but this is so cozy to me) learning to communicate together, writing letters together, RPing together, sharing music together,,, I can go on and on

this current situation has been something I literally day dreamt in the past, so to see it finally become a reality is wild to me

"I don't know what the future holds, we'll figure it all out in time"

when I ended the Dec post with that vylet pony quote, I didn't expect the future to be here so fast,,, if December was the month of reconnection then January was the month to heal and fully embrace each other <3

it would be unfair to end this post without at least quoting this beautiful person that gave me theses experiences:

"there's an album i think about. there's a quote that i think best describes us right now!

being with you; in the end i need you
you enabled me to grow as a person
everything i am today, came from you"