[LOG.ENTRY//LEAF-DREAMS]

To know that this is temporary, that I will have to let go one day, is already tugging at me.

It's like when you're at a concert and the show has just begun but you know that eventually the show will end and the energy in that room will just be a memory, they'll start the last song and you'll know it's the end. I'm just at the start of the show and I know that, I'll focus on the good times but this is hard to forget.

Is it progress lost or progress made when something like this ends? I- I don't know, I don't have to know... at least not right now.

This cycle feels familiar, it has happened before, multiple times, but the emotional baggage is different this time. I don't know why, maybe it doesn't need an answer.

Something deep but also shallow, everything and nothing, loud and quiet all at once. I wonder if we see this the same way… and I guess that’s what scares me. But even if we don’t, I’m still glad it’s real to me.

There are moments I worry I come on too strong, but I’m trying to be real, not overwhelming or annoying. I'm not here for validation but for connection... That means seeing things differently.

The hardest part is the fear, that part is on me, fear that you might see me differently than I see you. I don’t know how to say any of this, and maybe you don’t either. Maybe you haven't thought about it in this way as I do, that’s okay too

I'm crying while writing this and I don't know why, nothing has happened, but maybe because I care a bit too much. I'll see you soon, it's not the end.

I hope you think of me as I think of you, not in an overly special kind of way, but simply as someone who matters.

This probably doesn't change anything and that is a good thing! It just needed a place outside of my head. Thank you for your time, see you soon.

\\\

I just wished my mind would rest for a second, never been so fulfilled in my life while at the same time feeling all this pressure, and it's all from me to me